im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
