DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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