Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
