I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
