worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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