Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
