I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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