In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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