I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
