The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
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you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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