I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
