i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
