I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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