I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
