Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
