I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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