I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
