he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
