Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
