Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
