My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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