You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
