If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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