Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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