it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
