Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
