I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
