I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
