I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
