soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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