So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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