Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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