It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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