I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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