We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
