i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
