you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
