Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
