when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
