i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
