Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
