What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
