Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
