Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dick very happy bro
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
