She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
