bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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