I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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