so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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