I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
