So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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