So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
