Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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