I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize