i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
