Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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