he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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