Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize