what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
