you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
