Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
