i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
