Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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