Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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