I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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