got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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