i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Someone signed my nipple.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
