If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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