I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
