His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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