She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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