My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
