I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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